A Lesson on Accepting Pathetic

Being human is frustrating for someone like me who want to fix everyone's problems. It is beyond my ability to heal someone's dying grandfather who is approaching death. I can't even speed along the process in order to end his suffering without being imprisoned. I can't solve world hunger or save the environment. I can't cure AIDS, cancer, or even a common cold (though Theraflu does wonders for that--serious recommendation on that one, folks). I can't end all my friends' family problems. I can't fix my boyfriend's body when it aches and stops him from doing things he wants to do. I can't force my best guy friend's crush to fall in love with him, too. I can't stop my best friend's depression, which just kills me. I remember that demon quite well, and I might never forget him. I can't even force myself to focus on God and the good things I should; my mind always slips off unbidden into some dark corner of which I'm ashamed later. There are so many limitations to being human. There are so many situations where I have to be content with fighting the enemy as best I can and leaving the rest up to God. There are even some where I have to admit complete defeat and go running to my Father in a rout. There are situations that are so big I can't wrap my mind around them, and all I can do is pray.
That's it.
All I can do is talk to someone I've never seen in person (literally, here. We're not talking about seeing Him in people's actions. I mean a legit, face-to-face confrontation) and wait for one of His usual three answers in those cases: Yes, No, or Not yet. God knows I'm the most impatient person ever born, and I really don't think I'm exaggerating on that point. It amuses Him to continue to tell me, "You don't need to know yet," when I ask Him what He wants from my life. He's been giving me that same answer since last November. Instead of teaching me patience that way, I wish He would've just zapped me with it when I first asked Him for it. And thus we reach a paradox.
Actually, I'm not sure that was a paradox. The sentence just sounded cool.
But I digress from my initial frustration.
I've always believed in actions speaking louder than words. So quite frankly, I'd rather start breathing life back into the dying grandfather than take my knees to the floor and my pleas to Heaven's door. Praying in and of itself doesn't feel productive to me, which, I suppose, is why I don't do it nearly as much as I probably should. There's so much to be done in the world, and I don't want to waste God's time by telling Him what I think He should be doing about it. I'm under the impression that He already knows. Being omniscient will do that to you. Frankly, I get irritated when I'm doing about 15 different things at the same time, and someone comes up and reminds me what I need to be doing in regards to problem #6. Really, I'm on it, just give me a second! And God's holding together a whole universe! That means he's got to make sure these two galaxies don't run into each other and this star's death won't trigger the wrong reaction, and these planets keep rotating around the right star and, seriously, who's going to bother worrying about our little podunk planet, not to mention the tiny, broken people within it?
God does.
Who do we think we are, putting demands and getting impatient with the God who not only created and maintains everything we know, but also everything we haven't been able to see far out enough to discover yet? As we expand our ability to turn our vision out into that teeming void called space, we just keep finding more and more mind-blowing wonders from a mind-blowing God. He's so far outside the tiny box of what we can understand, and we've got the nerve, or rather the stupidity, to think we have the right to rule anything.
And yet, somehow, He has lowered Himself so we might approach Him and actually ask Him for things we need help with, as children ask their father.
Sit back and try to wrap your mind around that.

I don't know when that turned into a sermon, but it definitely put some things in perspective for me.
He's so good.

Oh, hey.

Hey.
This is me.
Posting a blog.
Because I haven't for quite some time.
I have more to do in life than weigh people down with what I'm thinking.
Oh, the irony of that.
Happy face.

You know, I just realized that that could totally be taken as a poem. I love accidental happies like that.