Blips of Joy

Ok, so I was sitting and working on homework, and I experienced something I have not felt for a long time--The Urge. I had to write. I knew what I had to write. It was beautiful. Of course, I probably won't be able to write like that again for a few months, but who cares? I did it! Oh, quick disclaimer: the following material has no bearing on my life and does not resemble any thought processes or decision making in my own mind whatsoever. Anyway, here's what came out when I set my fingers to the keyboard.

She preferred the bittersweet ending to the definitively happy, so she walked away. She felt she would rather wonder what would have happened had she stayed than to stay and risk not having a happy ending. She watched his tears with love and longing to dry them, but she stopped herself, stroked his cheek, and walked. She knew there would be sleepless nights, when she would wake suddenly, feeling the emptiness, the darkness, the utter lack of him. She would turn over and feel the chasm of her heart beside her. She knew there would be tears. She would cry and cry, and in the end, she would do it all again. She would rather lose him now, when he still loved her, than lose his love in the lengths of angry words and thoughtless happenings that had begun the ends of other relationships. And so she walked, knowing she would never love anyone else, knowing she was dooming herself to a life alone, and wishing him all the best.

Yeah, I know it's depressing. Sorry. That's what hit me at the time and it just had to come out. Writers know how it is.
Anyway, I hope you're all well, and I love you all!
God bless!
Becky

Blessings

God has been teaching me about blessings lately. I mean, I thought I'd grasped that concept a long time ago. I always defined it as an unmerited gift from God, but the "unmerited" part never really sank in. I have subconsciously adopted a strict "no handouts" policy, even in regards to the Lord. I pushed myself to the limit, not wanting to let anyone say that I got where I was by riding on someone else's coattails. I wanted to deserve all the good things I got, and I was more than content to take the fall for screwing up. I was eager to show God how much good I could do Him, and maybe He would treat me with an ice cream sundae or something.

I never expected Him to completely spoil me.

But there's no other description for what He's done in my life in the past couple of months. He drew me away from a situation that probably would have destroyed my life and put me in another situation that feels like the beginning of a new life. I never saw it coming, and I know that I never could have earned it! Amazingly, He used it as a humbling experience. Only God could be that efficient! Not only did He pull me away from a dangerous position, but He used it to show me that I'm not as good as I like to think. I'm not used to feeling like something is too good for me, but I'm definitely there now. Sometimes, it is depressing, because I still haven't let go of that mindset completely. But for the most part, it's a relief. It's as if He just wanted to tell me, "No, really, you can't pay Me back for everything, and I don't want you to try. Just live for me, and that'll be enough."

What a God....

This Degree Is Out To Get Me. Help.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who could write. Her dream was to be a bestselling author. She wrote constantly...unless, of course, she was reading. She found a wonderful college, where she would get published while she was still in school. Suddenly, she had no time to write because of all her writing assignments. Through a series of events, she decided to forego the main genre in which she had been writing and reading.
One day, during a break in her schooling, she tried to write again.
Nothing came.
She found herself going to her friends with the plea, "Give me something to write about," thinking all the while, "I need an assignment now? What's happened to me?"
So she created a blog, in the hopes that she would be able to revive the gift she once had.
Welcome to my blog.